Stupid Sh*t I have Seen in Resumes

One of my not-so-pleasant job functions is to review resumes and pre-screen candidates. Over the years, I have seen a ton of ridiculous things, from poor spelling and grammar to sentences that just make no sense. I decided I would start posting them here for the world to view.

• I have good communications skills due to my experience in tennis.
• I am Indiran.
• If my Profile matches ur job Kindly consider for a suitable Job.
• From Past one Year, Due to Less Project I am looking For change of Job, I came to know there is vacancy in ur company, Here I am Attaching my Resume.
• I know very clearly & absolutely before to submit my submissional application for the post-recruited requirements that. my status quos will be completely approved or so ratified based on the recruitmental requirements of criteria.
• Meanwhile I am highly & hugely trying at my best efforts to post for this vacancy with heavily long-desired rayhopes that based on my supreme graymatters plusing with my well-accumulated experiences in working for several foreign-based firms as well as projects, & I have accrued a lot of skills or so specialization in various matters & manners...
• I am highly awaiting for your carefully chosen assessment to my special case, & I hope to work for your Firm for a long & sustainable terms.
• Proven track record of maintaining good grades and working.
• I have attached my resume and also pasted my resume in the body because I have the the Windows 7 operating system and I am not sure of the compatibility to other computers yet.
  

Post in the comments if you have seen any that are just too good not to pass along. I will update this list when I have time.